Two Days From Zero, Time to Move Forward

Well, the last blog that I did was about me getting nervous, and how I was getting scared of the unknown. As of the day of the surgery, my worries were founded. I’m not going to lie, the first ten to twelve hours after my surgery sucked ass. I was dehydrated, and sore. I thought I would be sore from the incisions, but it was the gas buildup that hurt.

After my surgery, I don’t think that I could stay awake for more than a ten minute period until around four pm. After that I would stay up longer, and around six, I was starting to get up and move around to use the rest room. By around midnight, the night manager was letting me sit in his chair and we would watch tv together, and bullshit, so I didn’t sleep much else that night.

We were down in Tarzana with our friend Alisa, and by we, I mean myself and my wife Sarah. Traffic was a bunch of fuckery down there on a Tuesday morning, and it makes me appreciate that it’s not something that I have to do on a daily basis. Good driving on Sarah’s part, even if it shook me around a bit, at lest I’m here, able to tell everyone about it. Still, the gas is the worst part of the ordeal, by I had a good surgeon and I will always recommend West Medical to anyone who wants to consider taking this step to a better life style. The doctors are good, and the staff is pretty kick ass too.

Being back in my bed was nice, even if I ended up sleeping like shit with some trips dreams about how the world was build on lines. Dude, that was a really weird dream. So, I ended up spending the rest of the night on the couch, and yet, five am rolls around, and I’m wide awake, which I feel is total bullshit and my circadian rhythm needs to fix itself again. At least I’m handling the diet even after the surgery, I just find myself paying more attention to how my body feels than anything else. It was nice to have apple juice and white grape juice to help feel my mornings up the last two days, since I couldn’t have anything on the day of surgery. I decided to walk around, and I felt like I was going Yoda speed while doing it. I know that it was that the gas was moving around inside of me, at least it’s mostly out now.

Tonight’s exciting because I get to remove the bandages and take a shower tonight. Sarah noticed that my stomach looks flatter than it was from a couple days ago, so I had to check it out. I did a video while shirtless so that people could see where I was cut and how they took my pound and a half stomach out of my belly button. Honestly, I’ve been conscious of my body for years, and that was a moment that I just felt that part of this process needed to be shown. I’ve had thirty-five views the last I checked, and that’s better than most that I’ve done so far.

So, I guess that’s really where building the CK Project brand is going to take place. With my weight loss journey, and I’ve been told that it’s been motivating, and that’s what I always wanted it to be about. Is motivating people to do something to better themselves. Especially since we live in a world of trolls and negativity. There’s too much of that going on out there. Both online and politically. If this is an inspiring blog, please comment, let me know how it makes you feel. Share the hell out of my content like the dirty whore I am(joking, but still share). I want to know that my message is helping out.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

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Twas The Night Before Cutting

It’s practically a half day away from that big moment of my life, and now the nerves hit. I’m ready for this to be over, and seriously I’ve had the great support. It seems like I’ve only had the last thirteen days to fully adjust. 

I’m not complaining mind you,  I just have to center myself tonight and get the last bit of myself out of my head.  I’ve always been my biggest obstacle in everything I’ve ever done, and this is no different. 

Truth is… I’m not afraid to die, I accepted that a long ago, but I’m not sure if I’m afraid to live either. I think the nerves come from the unknown(what the hell am I going to do without the insulation?). Things will go fine, I’m sure, and I’m having a conversation with my God.

The people who’ve supported me has been amazing. I’ve made friends and family proud, I’m fortunate to go through this process with so much love supporting me. 

I’m not signing of as the director tonight. This is just Chris preparing for the next journey of my life. 

3 Days To Go

I had to be early into work yesterday. I got up at three and had to be to work at four. I’m not going to lie, I hate getting up that early, but I do what must be done. I was going to be in the boonies for about eleven hours, so there was no real contact with the normal world or cell service. As much as I say that work goes by fast on a ten hour schedule, yesterday dragged on.

When I got home, I relaxed, ate my liquid dinner, enjoyed Netflix with the family. I went to bed at eight-forty at night. This is an unusual practice for me, because I usually can’t get to bed before ten. That’s how my body operates. Even when I have to be to work at four, I still hit bed about ten. I run off of about five hours sleep most days that I work.

About five this morning I’m up, and I’m taking  care of business for graduation, plus I decided that since I didn’t blog last night, I would come on here and give an update on how I’m doing, and how the weight loss journey is going. Plus I figured that maybe my thoughts would come out through my fingers as I type because I’m not really sure how I feel about things right now.

I don’t think that I’m scared, I know that this is a common surgery and that there are less complications than other surgeries. Hell, I’ve even joked about being bummed that I might miss Star Wars: The Last Jedi on opening weekend. I’ve joked even more that when I get back to work that I will be less of a man then people see now.

The truth of the matter is…. I’m uncertain how things will go. I know that life has been throwing me a whole lot of good lately, and I want to say that this is going to be one of those good things, but nothing is certain. It’s not like I’m afraid that I’m going to die, or anything like that, though I accepted the concept of death long ago. I’m just unsure of what changes are coming.

One of those things that I’ve read online was that the taste buds change. So, what is it that’s going to change for mine? What about the loose skin? Will I be able to accept these changes? I’ve got a game plan, and I’ve been working on other aspects of my life that I think the weight loss, even as superficial as it is, is going to better me professionally. I’ve also read that sex improves(who doesn’t want that, right?), but will it inflate my ego?Something that I’ve always had to compensate for the fact that I’ve been larger my whole life, with few skinny moments.

I feel that positive things will keep happening for the good, and I think that’s the way I should set out taking life, but the unknown is scary, and exciting both at the same time. The only thing that I’m not looking forward to is the pain and the recovery. I’m handling the liquid diet so far, and I know that I’m about to go to the clear liquids for the next month or so. Well, I guess that means no Christmas goodies for me this year, and no birthday cake for my thirty-ninth birthday in January, but I’m not too heart broken about that.

Keep following me as I continue this adventure, because I want people to know what it’s like going through this, just incase this option comes across their laps as well.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

6 Days to Sundown

I’m  remaining vigilant about the liquid diet, and it’s not completely easy. Since I had my protein shake at three-thirty this morning, by seven, I was starting to feel a bit shaky. Once I started drinking my tea, it helped. I was glad to have hot tea as it was very cold and windy outside, and I felt the cold biting through my clothes today.

I guess that the mental part is that I would like more than I’m consuming, but I’m doing my best to get by through the temptations(and I see snack food everywhere). I’m stronger for it by not being as tempted as I could be. I’ve been known not to have any willpower, that is my cross to bare, and yet I seem to be succeeding it so far. I’m so close that I know the journey is worth it. The best support is the enormous support I’m receiving from the people around me.

I’ve been told that I should find a support group for when this is done. A fellowship of like experienced people usually is the way to find strength and are a good resource of information. I’m fortunate to have friend who have gone through this process before, and the love I have will help me prevail.

Shit though, time is going by at a fast pace. I can’t even believe that it’s this close until the day. All I can do is hope and pray that everything goes smooth. That’s what I want because it feels like my future seems to be taking off, and there are way too many projects that I need to get working on. My purpose in life is going on now, and I can’t wait to share the gift with other people.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

8 Days and A Week To Go

I’ve been doing this for about a week and I don’t think I need to keep telling you that I’m on my solid liquid diet, and how good that I’m doing, instead I think I want to focus on the other factors that are going on with myself, both physically and mentally.

First off, I physically feel so much better than I have in some time. My work clothes are so loose, and I haven’t felt my clothes like this since I was on Weight Watchers in 2011. I haven’t felt heavy since being on this diet. My “done laps” isn’t hanging as low as it used too.

Mentally, I’m okay. I have that nagging feeling that things are about to get real and that their isn’t any going back, but I know it’s worth it and I’ll be fine. I just can’t believe this is so real.  I’m sure I’ll have a different opinion after I wake up from the procedure.

As a reassuring side note, life has been great too me, and it has been for the last month or so. With school being completed, my business projects taking off, and my other job prospects looking up, I think that 2018 is going to be a great year, and I appreciate all the love and support that I’ve received and continue to get from the people in my life.

This is the director and that’s a wrap.

Day 10 Through 8

Yeah I know, I was going to do this blog every day, and not anything since Thursday night. For that, I apologize, I was out of town for Friday and Saturday, and no where to actually do this blog. So, I’m gonna break down this weekend for you in this adventurous weekend.

First thing is first, before we could leave out of town, I had to fast and get blood work done. I also had to get a chest X-ray in the same appointment. I think that I was seen about eleven-fifteen for everything, and then we headed down to Tarzana to stay the night for my eight-thirty meeting with the surgeon. The motel sucked, the room was bare(which wasn’t too bad), and the bed was a bit hard, which made my neck and shoulder hurt in the morning.

We get down to the medical center and find out that my appointment was actually to take place about an hour away in Rancho Cucamonga, so that set my day off kind of bad. We got there and got my meeting done and I found out that I’m now at the weight of 400.8 pounds. Not bad considering that I got weight a couple of weeks ago and was at 409.4.  The wife and I decided to go check out the area for some shopping and ended up in a mall. Here’s the confession, I cheated yesterday for lunch and dinner, and had solid food for two meals.

I did find myself selecting smarter for my food choices, so I guess that might mitigate the cheat a bit. After all that was said and done, we got home late, and went to bed. Driving Los Angeles traffic can wear you out.

With that being said, I’m back on the solid liquid diet, and I’m about a week away, I’m trying to play caught up with the videos(Day 10 is complete, just not uploaded, because 11 is currently being uploaded). Yes, I’m still trying to figure this all out as I’m making content my life’s work, so please bare with me.

Today, I had some of the Nash Gray crew come over and we started to do a clean up of the yard, and the place we’re we are building the studio, and now I’m waiting on my beef broth for dinner, so this is the director and that’s a wrap.