A Step for Success.

I wasn’t confident at some point this week, and I started to doubt myself and my working with a great team, but alas, today showed that I’m going in the right direction.  I always found that I was my own worst enemy.  I doubt myself at times, but at least this time I over came it and presented my ideas for the project.  My clients liked what I had to present them, and I’m confident moving forward that my creative team can build something around the ideas presented.

I know the next thing I have to consider is how we want to structure the ideas and get a narration written for the project.  I’m also excited that they agreed to shooting on off hours so that I can have a bit more control over who appears on the camera.  That’s just another issue that I’m glad we can control.  I’ll have to assemble my team for this shoot, but I think that things will run smooth.

I’m loving the experience of trying something different than I’ve done, and I know that we’ll have to do a bit more research before finishing the treatment.  Just to make sure that we’ll have enough time before we decide to film.  I don’t think I can say that I’m excited enough times.

I’m trying to get my homework done before the weekend so that I can enjoy it fully, much like I did last weekend.  Father’s day is among us once again, and I can’t believe that I’ve had sixteen of these so far.  Time flies, and it’s incredible how much you realize this after parenthood.

I hope you have a good night, and find joy in the people around you.

Self Doubt and Contemplating

I felt in a funk today.  I’ve been there for a couple of days, and I wasn’t sure why.  I think it started with the fact that I as thinking about doing some major rewrites to Life Happens, I feel that I need to add some real substance to the lead character as he deals with the tragedy that has befallen his family.  Then I started my new class last night and I bombed my first quiz.  My biggest problem about last night was that I was tired and too much into my own head to let anything really sink in.  I know that I shouldn’t let this bother me the way it has, so I need to shake myself out of this funk, and I’m going to do that.  Unfortunately going through this mindset also sets up the ever dooming question,”am I good enough?”  I know that I shouldn’t feel that way, but sometimes it’s hard to think of the silver lining.

I do feel a bit better, thank you for thinking it, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to let these negative thoughts get in the way of partaking in a celebration of my wife’s birthday.  She has tolerated me far longer than I think I would’ve ever tolerated myself.  I’ve known her for nineteen years, and that’s over half of our lives, and most of that has been together.  She’s been my strength when I’ve been down, and she’s seen me at my lowest too.

Now back to the first subject at hand, I hate being stuck in my own mind because I realized that thoughts like that tend to sabotage my own success.  That’s where being my own worse critic comes in at as well.  When you get told that you’re not good enough, it tends to stick with you throughout your life.  That’s not saying that I feel that way anymore, but that self doubt crawls in every once in awhile.  I’m glad that I have the people in my life that I do because they’ve been the biggest support in my life.  I’ve got an amazing set of friends, and my chosen family are the glue to my backbone.

I don’t plan on letting any minor set back phase me, because life has been going so well for me.  I’ve got the production studio being prepared to start producing content, and I’m looking forward to getting the creative process flowing again.  I’ve got so many ideas that I can’t wait to share with everyone, and I’ve gotten a few characters in development that I think will get some laughs once the sketches start being written.  I just hope that with Luckey Bom Films  and the CK Project are successful, and I hope that I don’t overwhelm myself by doing a billion things at once.  I can’t forget to mention the things I’ve been developing for the Geeks of the IWV.  This group has been going fairly decent for a local group that is almost a year old, and I’m glad that I can be part of this group with wonderful and passionate geeks like myself.  It really has brought my relationship with people to a better place.

So, I have a pod cast in the works, actually about three of them, and so I’m wondering what people think about the content I’d like to get out.  We have a geek pod cast, would anyone like to hear reviews on the latest Comics, movies, and maybe video games? How about video’s demonstrating some of the boardgames that we play?  For my other pod casts, what type of content would you like to see?  Relationships? Local News?  Up coming plans on where the projects and companies are going?

Final words-  Let me know what you think?  I’m trying to get more marketable and I’d love any input that you might have?  Take care and good night.

Putting it All Together

This month has been an incredibly crazy month with my schooling.  From learning about contracts and licensing, to learning how to utilize new media distribution, this month has been  all about reading more words than I’ve had too in months.  So, now comes the interesting part, promoting my stuff to get more viewers.  So, this is where I have to come up with a plan to better be active on my various social medias.  I’m already getting prepared to start getting more content out there, and now that I have two separate YouTube pages, my personal one that everyone has scene is about to become part of my CK project which will be my personal page for motivation and my journey in life and the weight loss surgery.  My film page will be for my film projects, and I’m excited to get going on both sides of what I’ve had planned.

I know that I have people who read my blogs, follow my posts on Facebook, and Twitter.  I also have people who follow my YouTube, and I appreciate all the support, and I’m sure I’ve said that a couple of times, but I truly mean it.  Now, if you’re reading this, if you like my stuff, then please subscribe to my blog, and my YouTube, show that appreciation I would love it, and I’m always willing to interact with people in which ever form you decide to comment on.  You are most definitely part of the reason I do the things I do- that and the fact that I’ve had a creative bug my whole life that has needed to be satisfied.

So far, I’ve been getting ready for the big moment to actually start doing the work I’ve been planning on doing for the rest of my life.  I have about six months left of school.  My homework is almost completely done for this week, and my classes end on Sunday….all I can think about is the fact that I have six months left.  That light is just on the other side of the tunnel and I can finally say that I did something meaningful.  I’m not even sure how to process this,  I’m excited because it opens doors for me, but scared because this has been life for the last three years of my life.  I can’t wait to actually start training my second and third camera people, my friend and partner Ed, and my son Chris who’s got that excitement in his eyes.  I’m doing something meaningful and creating art.

Sorry I had a moment of reflection…anyway, just keep following and if you want to find out where to see the rest of my stuff, there are links, and I’ll make it easier to find all the links to follow me, or if you’re so inclined message me and I’ll gladly send you links to everything that I have.

 

Thank You

As I get closer to graduating from Los Angeles Film School,  I want to take the time to thank everyone for their support.  I’ve also had a chance to hear from people saying that I’ve been an inspiration, and I also appreciate that as well.  I’ve always wanted to make a positive impact on those around me.  The journey that I’m on is full of uncertainty, but I’m looking forward to the challenge that it presents me.

Now that I’ve said thank you, let me also ask a favor from everyone.  If you watch my stuff, or read my stuff(I know some do both), then my favor is this, I’m trying to get exposure, and I want to have a more active interaction on the things I do. You like a video, comment on what you liked about it, hell tell me what you think could be improved, but if you do think it’s good, feel free to share, and tell people about my work. I want to make everyone feel as welcome as I’ve felt supported and loved.  There will be plenty of things coming out in various forms of media.  Watch and see the creative outlet explode.

Forward March

Wow! In seven months I get to call myself a graduate from Film School.  I will have my Bachelors of Science in Digital Filmmaking, and I’m about ready to have an office, since plans kind of fell through with the other place.  Life is good!  All I need now is a few more shots for my B-roll of my documentary, and it’s been suggested that I might consider applying for a Film Festival.  These are the moments that I love.  It seems like a validation of all my hard work, and I couldn’t be more excited on what the future has in store for me.

I have some friends, who are about to deal with the one year anniversary of their son’s tragic death… things have really changed in this past year.  I think I appreciate the people in my life more.  Even if we aren’t close, I seem to wish that they have safe travels and hope that they arrive back safely.  Life is too short to let negative things get in the way, and if there is anything I’ve learned, it’s too treat people better, because you never know how they may change your life.

We started this local Geek group called The Geeks of the IWV last August in response to the celebration of his life.  I thought it was a good way to help my friends mourn, and to help deal with their grief.  I never thought that this whole process would change me as well.  I feel that I’ve become a better person, a better friend, and more positive about life.  I love my kids so much more than I ever thought I did.  I love my wife more because she’s supported me.  My friends have also seen a difference in the way I handle things.  With this group, I’ve been able to network so much better than I ever thought possible.

I think tragedy can become triumph in the end.  The tragedy itself never goes away, and I in no means, say that to cheapen what’s happened, but I think it can lead to self discovery.  When I had my suicidal melt down and work, I needed help, and I was able to find that help through a professional.  The tragedy that hit me at the time was that friends, and family members had suffered suicide in their lives. Around that time, there were five people that I had heard committed the act.  I knew one of the people locally,  he was a hip=hop dance instructor  at the gym I was going too at the time.  When I found out what happened I became morose because I felt like if I had the chance to talk to him, he would have known that he wasn’t alone.  We connected over our fondness of hip-hop and talked about trying to choreograph some dance moves to a Michael Jackson song or two.  His death really impacted me.

Human connection is important.  I try to pay attention to what people wear when I see them at my job, and it often times leads to conversations, and friendships.  I’ve become acquainted with so many people by noticing the lanyard they wear around their necks.  If it’s a sports team, we’ll start talking about sports, and we talk about favorite players, and teams that we like.  The one that gets the most attention is when someone wears either comic book characters or video games.  Those usually spark the best conversations  and I’ve made a good set of friends because of it.  It’s funny what you can learn about someone if you pay attention to what they wear.

I had a conversation with my little brother today, and I think that I finally summed up my goals in life.  I told him that it’s hard work building an empire, and that’s what I feel like I’m doing.  I want to do movies, music, podcasting, and on top of all of that, I want to have the accessibility to show that I’m there to support those who can’t handle mental illness. Sometimes, there doesn’t seem to be any options than to end their lives.  All I can say to that is- I’m here, you’re not alone, I love you.  Don’t let the darkness be the answer, because there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.  I know that it doesn’t seem like it, or that the light is too far to see, but endure, fight through it…you’ll come out stronger in the end.

These are things that I’m more passionate about now.  I’m getting the tools to help lend a voice to the unanswered, and I plan on using it to help.  My creativity is there to help entertain and maybe even be thought provoking at times.  Life’s hard, and I’m the first to admit that I’ve wanted to quit.  I almost have, more times than I would care to admit.  My depression hit me hard because I felt like I was stuck in a spot that I wasn’t happy in.  I had set plans to leave everything behind because I couldn’t deal with being stuck.  Life was closing in around me.  Now I’m moving forward to a bright future.  I’m not stuck anymore, and the momentum is carrying me along a new path.  Somedays it moves very quickly, than other days, I wonder if I’m still moving, but forward is always ahead of me.

While I’m not going to mention names of my friends who lost their son,  I do want to leave a thought on the eve of the anniversary: I love you and your family.  My heart goes out to you in your time of suffering.  I’ve seen growth from both of you in this past year, and I think you’ll learn to manage with your loss better as time goes.  Your eldest left a giant hole in the lives of everyone who had the fortune of knowing him.  I wish that I could have known him better than the chance that I had.  By the time my family and I had entered into your lives the way we did, he had already became a working man who was busy with school and work.  The time I did share with him was great because we geeked out about the same things.  Just know that there isn’t a day that you two don’t cross my mind, and I’m always going to be here for you.