I know that I’ve written about being in self doubt in the past few weeks, but with that door being stuck, I think that I found the mental lubricant to power through and prevail. I’m at the point where this new challenge has given me a new rhythm to face this challenge. For some reason, I’m not feeling the pressure, and I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or bad.
While I’ve surpassed that worry about my class, I’ve had other things on my mind that make me so hungry for the next big thing to go towards, and no it isn’t food. This weekend happens to be the San Diego Comic Con. One of my goals is to obtain press credentials so that I can get into conventions under press. I’ve always wanted to report on my geekiness, and it would be exciting to discover these things and inform everyone who follows me, or is some sort of associate with me.
Getting back on track though, this is day eight for me to be in the studio working at my desk. I’ve either been writing, doing homework, which also consists of writing, or I’ve been doing work in front of the camera. Did I mention that I love where my life has been heading for awhile now?
Now that I got the door of self doubt out of the way and my creative door is starting to open wider, I can’t wait to explore more of what is in my mind. I know that what ever writer’s block I had when I first wanted to write is gone, and I also know that my creative side has finally been able to break away from the tragedy that seems to plague my creative process(yes, tragedy is a great way to start my stories), I’m ready to write more witty things.
While I’m at it, my blogging style seems to be changing for the better. I’ve seemed to keep it kind of revered with how I used to write. Truth is, I didn’t think that I had found my voice at that time. Now, I’m more confident that I can be more casual, and add more of my own personality in my writing. I was going to do a solid blog about finding my voice, but unfortunately for me, I saw a squirrel and I decided that I would chase it first. I think it had something shiny.
This is who I am. I tend to joke at times that isn’t always appropriate, I love the humor in shock and awe. I tend to have a foul mouth about things. The whole of me though, is honest. I’m honest on who I am, and I’m honest with how I feel. I love my friends and as I’ve been blessed with making some great friends, I can honestly say that they have earned my loyalty. I know that they appreciate that, and I’ve always been glad that I could support them in that way.
This is all I can think of at the moment, but if you’re trying to be a creative individual, learn to find your own voice. That way, you can be honest with yourself and who you are. People will either accept it or not, but that’s life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.
About five years ago, I was invited to a local writers club meeting by my father’s co-worker. It was a day during December and the club was having a guess speaker, Ted Lange(imdb.com). Ted’s most known for his character on The Love Boat(1977), as the friendly bartender Issac Washington, and I really paid attention to what he said. He was funny and personable, but his message was that he became a writer to give himself work. He said that it was hard for a black man to break into the business and that’s why he became a writer.
I took that to heart, and as I write this tonight, I keep thinking that everything that I’ve been doing for the last several months, and more so now since my last months classes, is that I’m creating that experience. I’m starting to grasp the concept of marketing myself on social media, I’m learning programs that I will need to have experience in to get jobs in the field that I want to get work in. So, that’s my advice to anybody frustrated in searching for work, or getting experience. It might take time, but find a way to do it yourself. We live in world that doesn’t want to give most people a hand, and that’s why reading books, researching, and doing are the keys to getting the success that you want.
I remember not that long ago, that was my thought process, “how am I going to get another job without the experience they’re looking for?” It’s a scary thought, but as I’ve grown in knowledge and determination, I’ve discovered that there are ways too find a way to learn those skills. A good start is looking online for classes, or workshops for gaining that knowledge. Another thing is too look at the local employment agency. They should be able to point you in the right direction.
I’m adventuring into the world of owning my own business, and I’m blessed with the people who are involved with the process. They will keep me grounded, and we work well together. The scary part is that I know that there will be failure along the way, but that’s the other way to gain experience. As I’ve seen stated in books, magazines, and various other places, failure is a teacher, and if you keep failing, you learn how to not fail as bad. It’s also a great way to teach you what works and doesn’t work.
The best thing to do is be cautious, but don’t be afraid to succeed, and don’t let failure stop you either. We as people tend to be our own harshest critics, and in general, we also get in the way of our own success. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I messed up something because I got into my own head, and had self doubts. That’s why we tend to sabotage ourselves.
The other thing I have to say about this is do what makes you happy. As cliche as it is, there is a reason for that. I listened to everybody else for so long and I was miserable for doing what I was “supposed” to do and it almost cost me my life. Wouldn’t you rather feel happy about chasing your dreams then be stuck in the same spot in life? Yes, I won’t lie, it would be much easier to just do what I love and not be concerned about anything else, but I have a family to provide for, but I was given the motivation to prepare for a different life when opportunity came and gave me the chance to go for something I had want to do for most of my adult life, and most of my life in some way that, evolved into wanting to make movies. Remember that survival is the most necessary part, but going for the dream is important too. While it might seem crazy, the skills that I’m learning in film school, are things that I can apply to the “safe” jobs as well. So there is a back up plan in place, and it would still involve what I want to do in life.
I will leave a final note before this thought train leaves the station: Be kind to each other, there are too many negative energies out there wanting to bring you down. they want people to be down on their levels and can’t stand other people’s success. Don’t add to that problem. Try to be positive, and keep that mentality. If you wake up and look in the mirror in the morning, tell yourself that you’ll have a good day. Positive affirmations work far better than I ever thought, and it generally keeps me going in a positive direction.
I felt in a funk today. I’ve been there for a couple of days, and I wasn’t sure why. I think it started with the fact that I as thinking about doing some major rewrites to Life Happens, I feel that I need to add some real substance to the lead character as he deals with the tragedy that has befallen his family. Then I started my new class last night and I bombed my first quiz. My biggest problem about last night was that I was tired and too much into my own head to let anything really sink in. I know that I shouldn’t let this bother me the way it has, so I need to shake myself out of this funk, and I’m going to do that. Unfortunately going through this mindset also sets up the ever dooming question,”am I good enough?” I know that I shouldn’t feel that way, but sometimes it’s hard to think of the silver lining.
I do feel a bit better, thank you for thinking it, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to let these negative thoughts get in the way of partaking in a celebration of my wife’s birthday. She has tolerated me far longer than I think I would’ve ever tolerated myself. I’ve known her for nineteen years, and that’s over half of our lives, and most of that has been together. She’s been my strength when I’ve been down, and she’s seen me at my lowest too.
Now back to the first subject at hand, I hate being stuck in my own mind because I realized that thoughts like that tend to sabotage my own success. That’s where being my own worse critic comes in at as well. When you get told that you’re not good enough, it tends to stick with you throughout your life. That’s not saying that I feel that way anymore, but that self doubt crawls in every once in awhile. I’m glad that I have the people in my life that I do because they’ve been the biggest support in my life. I’ve got an amazing set of friends, and my chosen family are the glue to my backbone.
I don’t plan on letting any minor set back phase me, because life has been going so well for me. I’ve got the production studio being prepared to start producing content, and I’m looking forward to getting the creative process flowing again. I’ve got so many ideas that I can’t wait to share with everyone, and I’ve gotten a few characters in development that I think will get some laughs once the sketches start being written. I just hope that with Luckey Bom Films and the CK Project are successful, and I hope that I don’t overwhelm myself by doing a billion things at once. I can’t forget to mention the things I’ve been developing for the Geeks of the IWV. This group has been going fairly decent for a local group that is almost a year old, and I’m glad that I can be part of this group with wonderful and passionate geeks like myself. It really has brought my relationship with people to a better place.
So, I have a pod cast in the works, actually about three of them, and so I’m wondering what people think about the content I’d like to get out. We have a geek pod cast, would anyone like to hear reviews on the latest Comics, movies, and maybe video games? How about video’s demonstrating some of the boardgames that we play? For my other pod casts, what type of content would you like to see? Relationships? Local News? Up coming plans on where the projects and companies are going?
Final words- Let me know what you think? I’m trying to get more marketable and I’d love any input that you might have? Take care and good night.