Success? Maybe When I’m Ready

Did you ever feel like you get in the way of your own success?  I know I have, but have you ever stopped and wonder why?  I think deep down inside, we face a bit of fear. What if we obtain success? How will it change us? How will it change the way other’s perceive us? At what cost does success come?

This is my thought process on it-yes I’m partially afraid of how things will change, but at the same time I’m excited for the adventure that comes with it. The thought of doing what I love brings me a sense of completion, and a sense of purpose.  I have no doubts that being a filmmaker was something I was born to do.  I’ve always had a great joy in being creative and this is the ultimate outlet that let’s me do it. As I’ve gone through these classes, I’ve discovered that I enjoy the writing process, which I had been on that journey for several years now, but I do enjoy it.

I embrace the chance to get out of the normalcy of a settled life, and I don’t hesitate on feeling excited about going to work. I wonder how this might change things between my family and myself, because movie making is a demanding thing that takes so much hard work to be good at and successful.  Could they stand me being away, filming while it’s the holidays? Or even a birthday?  Will they be with me while we film?  Are they going to want to join in on this kind of work? All I know is that while I want to have my own production company, I do still want to work on my craft in the highly competitive world of high budget filmmaking. I would love to work on a Fox, Warner Bros. or Disney movie.  As my passions of superheroes and geek culture run hot in my veins, I would love to be involved with a Star Wars movie.

I’m glad that I’ve been blessed with a supportive group of friends and family, they all are amazing with the encouragement and praise.  What if that changes with my success? Part of me really wants to put the nay sayers in their place by doing what they said was impossible.  What if my friends end up envious because of my said success and they decide to hate me? These questions continually run through my mind, but it wouldn’t be the first time that I was “hated on”.  I’ve got a personality that you either love, or you absolutely hate. I’ve felt the negative pull of hatred and bias; being the fat kid with a loud mouth tends to do that. That is the way it gets when I also have a strong work moral. I’m not afraid to tell someone no, just because they want to have things their way. It doesn’t work that way.

I guess being successful shouldn’t be a fearful thing, I’m ornery enough to put nay sayers in their place. This is what is going to drive me, because my success is on my own accord and not placed on the people who would want to bring me down. I know in the end, my family is going to support me because part of the reason that I do these things is so that I can do better for my family.  That and the fact that doing this has helped me with my depression in ways that I can’t even describe.

I just wanted to post a little thing on what’s been on my mind lately, as will a billion other things. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

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Self Doubt and Contemplating

I felt in a funk today.  I’ve been there for a couple of days, and I wasn’t sure why.  I think it started with the fact that I as thinking about doing some major rewrites to Life Happens, I feel that I need to add some real substance to the lead character as he deals with the tragedy that has befallen his family.  Then I started my new class last night and I bombed my first quiz.  My biggest problem about last night was that I was tired and too much into my own head to let anything really sink in.  I know that I shouldn’t let this bother me the way it has, so I need to shake myself out of this funk, and I’m going to do that.  Unfortunately going through this mindset also sets up the ever dooming question,”am I good enough?”  I know that I shouldn’t feel that way, but sometimes it’s hard to think of the silver lining.

I do feel a bit better, thank you for thinking it, and I’ve decided that I’m not going to let these negative thoughts get in the way of partaking in a celebration of my wife’s birthday.  She has tolerated me far longer than I think I would’ve ever tolerated myself.  I’ve known her for nineteen years, and that’s over half of our lives, and most of that has been together.  She’s been my strength when I’ve been down, and she’s seen me at my lowest too.

Now back to the first subject at hand, I hate being stuck in my own mind because I realized that thoughts like that tend to sabotage my own success.  That’s where being my own worse critic comes in at as well.  When you get told that you’re not good enough, it tends to stick with you throughout your life.  That’s not saying that I feel that way anymore, but that self doubt crawls in every once in awhile.  I’m glad that I have the people in my life that I do because they’ve been the biggest support in my life.  I’ve got an amazing set of friends, and my chosen family are the glue to my backbone.

I don’t plan on letting any minor set back phase me, because life has been going so well for me.  I’ve got the production studio being prepared to start producing content, and I’m looking forward to getting the creative process flowing again.  I’ve got so many ideas that I can’t wait to share with everyone, and I’ve gotten a few characters in development that I think will get some laughs once the sketches start being written.  I just hope that with Luckey Bom Films  and the CK Project are successful, and I hope that I don’t overwhelm myself by doing a billion things at once.  I can’t forget to mention the things I’ve been developing for the Geeks of the IWV.  This group has been going fairly decent for a local group that is almost a year old, and I’m glad that I can be part of this group with wonderful and passionate geeks like myself.  It really has brought my relationship with people to a better place.

So, I have a pod cast in the works, actually about three of them, and so I’m wondering what people think about the content I’d like to get out.  We have a geek pod cast, would anyone like to hear reviews on the latest Comics, movies, and maybe video games? How about video’s demonstrating some of the boardgames that we play?  For my other pod casts, what type of content would you like to see?  Relationships? Local News?  Up coming plans on where the projects and companies are going?

Final words-  Let me know what you think?  I’m trying to get more marketable and I’d love any input that you might have?  Take care and good night.