I Have a Heart-Shaped Box in Tetris

I used to be a real estate agent, like a billion years ago, or so it seems. I got out of the business, because I felt that I was too honest for the business. Anyway…today I’m at my desk at the studio, and I realized that I my desk was starting to look the way it did ten years ago, while in said profession.

My desk has always been in a moment of utter chaos. Papers are everywhere(kind of like my kid’s rooms), and I decided I needed to get my act together and organize. I guess my desk has always represented my mind, as in my thoughts are everywhere and I barely think in as  straight pattern. It usually ends up all over the place(kind of like when I play my iPod on long trips).

I don’t know if this is a sign that I’m finally reaching my journey to a respectable adulthood, or if I’m just finally trying to get my shit together(ask me in a couple of weeks for that verdict). Maybe it’s the fact that I’m taking my position as a writer and director far more serious than any job I ever had before. Part of my failure at real estate was that I wasn’t ready for that kind of responsibility at the time. It’s hard to live off of just commission when you’re a bit younger. There is something to be said about getting that check every week for sure.

Alas, I know that going this route isn’t going to make the pay checks any easier, but I’ve grown over the last decade and I’m ready to attempt to make my wealth on my own terms. Not that I’m really looking to get rich, but to have a decent life that my family can live comfortably and maybe send the kids to a higher learning institution.

This was just a quick thought for the day. This is the Director, and that’s a wrap.

Welcome to My Funeral, I Think I’ll Be Late.

Well, I guess that is an unusual title, but it’s more about mindset than actually dying…good God, I’m not ready for that, yet. I never tried hard in school when I was a kid, I always skated by with B’s and C’s. As long as I passed was all my parent’s worried about.  Too bad, that I didn’t take it upon myself to do better. I should have done better for me.

All I cared about was having fun, or at least between the time I wasn’t getting bullied or feeling lonely. I had more friends than I thought at the time, and I did okay. I just wanted to have fun and not worry about school. My, how things have changed though. Determination, maturity, and a bit of desperation are great motivators to get the ball rolling.

So the first change came about the time I was thirteen, it was February 29th, 1992. It was that extra day in the year that brought me more trouble than I was expecting. I had been rejected by a girl I liked and it bothered me. I was being a kid, who didn’t pay attention to any of the signs on a road that I traveled down most days on my bike. I ran a stop sign and was ran into by an oncoming truck. Being a kid, who needed a helmet and pads, right? Nothing ever touches a kid, right?

I hit the front end of the truck and roll up on the hood, when the truck stops, I fly about ten feet, yards, I’m not even sure, because I don’t remember any of it. I just pick up bits after I wake up from my comma. So, I fly and hit my head on the asphalt. I suffer from severe head trauma. Broken bones, oh so many broken bones, scares and asphalt embedded into my hand to remind me that I’m a stupid kid.

After about three weeks of a medicated comma, I ended up in rehab to get my abilities to do everything back.  I took a chunk out of my femur bone and had to have a steel rod put in place to help it heel, I had a cast on the right arm I broke, and my hip was broken in two places. I forgot to mention that it was on my right side. Thank God for that because I’m a lefty. Always about silver linings. The thing that changed about me the most, according to my parents, was that I had a major personality change. I used to be a softy at heart, and very emotional. I was a kind person. At least that’s the story, I’ve been told. Things went in the complete opposite direction for me after that.

I’m not saying that I became mean, though I can get that way(if you’ve been following along since the first blog, then you might have heard me mention being bullied a few times), but I was a bit tougher. I’m kind of a cynic, and I have a very crass sense of humor. Mom told me it was like I went to the dark side.

Over all, I like the person I am. I think it’s toughened me up for what this world really is, but I do care about people. I just don’t like to put up with bullshit. I don’t think most people do. Any way, to continue on….

I had to fight to get my grades back up. I had to relearn how to use the bathroom. All that fun stuff that comes out of rehab. I made it though. Some people where glad I came back to school, others not so much, but I was changed.

When your young, you tend not to appreciate the fight, and as I went to high school, I started slacking again, but I did graduate on the first try, even with a couple of close calls. Then I moved to California and took a year off, before I went back. Part of that reason was because my parent’s said that if I took a year off, I won’t go back, and surly I had to prove them wrong, I mean that is the kind of person I am.

I went to school, fell in love with two girls, at the same time, and I choose the wrong girl to marry, but I didn’t know that at the time. It was an interesting time in my life, and I’m far better from that situation as a person. Choosing the wrong mate, put me through a time of hell, and I ended up being a broken person because of it.  That was when the second girl I fell in love with came back into my life. I suffered PTSD from that first marriage, but Sarah came back into my life and saved me. It wasn’t long before we were pregnant, and then married. Second chances don’t come along often, but I was blessed with that.

After that situation took place, I went back to school, but just got burnt out. I crammed the last month of school into a week and a half because I got a job on the Disney film Holes(2003). I kept up with school for about a year more before I decided to just work and be a family man.

I had tried to do a few classes like pharmacy tech, and then an accountant, but I hadn’t found any of that satisfying, so I worked until my break down at work that took me on an extended vacation for seventeen months. During that time I was soul searching and trying to figure out what I wanted to do in life.  Learning that I needed to make the smart decisions and go for “real jobs”, but I never was satisfied with that either. About half way into my suspension from work, I decided to follow my dream and go to film school. By this time, I finally figured out that I was smart enough to do this and I felt that this was what I was meant to do.

Thank God for that, or I wouldn’t be sitting here blogging about my life, and the things I learned. I wouldn’t be here communicating and trying to build a name for myself. Every like, follow, and subscriber is a check in the win column for me. I love what I’m trying to build. I’ve never been more passionate, except about Superheroes and Star Wars, but I do really love what I’m working towards. I do love writing, and I’ve found my prose(google it). I think it works for me. I appreciate that I have a great group of supporters, and fans. Who would have ever thought?

Remember, I’m Chris Keeling, and I’m the Director, and if you like everything I do, like, subscribe, leave some words…. I like words. This is a wrap until next time folks.

 

 

The Door Was Stuck, But I Think The WD-40 Did The Trick

I know that I’ve written about being in self doubt in the past few weeks, but with that door being stuck, I think that I found the mental lubricant to power through and prevail. I’m at the point where this new challenge has given me a new rhythm to face this challenge.  For some reason, I’m not feeling the pressure, and I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or bad.

While I’ve surpassed that worry about my class, I’ve had other things on my mind that make me so hungry for the next big thing to go towards, and no it isn’t food. This weekend happens to be the San Diego Comic Con. One of my goals is to obtain press credentials so that I can get into conventions under press. I’ve always wanted to report on my geekiness, and it would be exciting to discover these things and inform everyone who follows me, or is some sort of associate with me.

Getting back on track though, this is day eight for me to be in the studio working at my desk. I’ve either been writing, doing homework, which also consists of writing, or I’ve been doing work in front of the camera. Did I mention that I love where my life has been heading for awhile now?

Now that I got the door of self doubt out of the way and my creative door is starting to open wider, I can’t wait to explore more of what is in my mind. I know that what ever writer’s block I had when I first wanted to write is gone, and I also know that my creative side has finally been able to break away from the tragedy that seems to plague my creative process(yes, tragedy is a great way to start my stories), I’m ready to write more witty things.

While I’m at it, my blogging style seems to be changing for the better. I’ve seemed to keep it kind of revered with how I used to write.  Truth is, I didn’t think that I had found my voice at that time. Now, I’m more confident that I can be more casual, and add more of my own personality in my writing. I was going to do a solid blog about finding my voice, but unfortunately for me, I saw a squirrel and I decided that I would chase it first. I think it had something shiny.

This is who I am. I tend to joke at times that isn’t always appropriate, I love the humor in shock and awe. I tend to have a foul mouth about things.  The whole of me though, is honest. I’m honest on who I am, and I’m honest with how I feel. I love my friends and as I’ve been blessed with making some great friends, I can honestly say that they have earned my loyalty. I know that they appreciate that, and I’ve always been glad that I could support them in that way.

This is all I can think of at the moment, but if you’re trying to be a creative individual, learn to find your own voice. That way, you can be honest with yourself and who you are. People will either accept it or not, but that’s life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.