The Hardest Pill To Swallow

Sometimes I think about the things going on in my life, and I try to think about some of the more difficult situations that I’ve experienced myself. I’m gonna be honest, it’s not the easiest thing to do either. Being honest with yourself, and others isn’t always the simplest or easy choice to make.

Someone who comes out as homosexual or trans is considered brave. I’ve heard people make jokes about coming out as silly and shouldn’t be considered brave, but I’ll argue that with them any day, as it opens people up to being “targeted” for hate crimes. In a world like this, I’m surprised that we haven’t evolved enough to be respectful of everyone’s right to be who they are. It’s opening up and saying that I’m different from society’s norms that causes people to be brave. With the fear of being rejected by those who are supposed to love you thorough whatever decisions are made. I’ve had friends who’s relationships with their parents, who are supposed to support you through everything, lose their families.

Let’s take it one step further, being honest with others isn’t always easy because people tend not to like to hear about their own flaws. I would gather that it might have something to do with ego. Also, it’s hard to see our own faults as they are part of who we are on a daily basis. I know that it took me a long time to finally realize some of my own faults. I’m a fidgety nail biter for one. I can’t seem to stay still for long periods of time, but those are small and petty compared to some of my other flaws.

I used to think that I didn’t have an ego, but the truth is I was narcissistic at times, and I didn’t think anybody’s opinion mattered but my own. I had the “it’s my way or the highway” mentality. When I look at who I was, I ended up being full of toxic masculinity. Talk about the hardest look at my life. I had to break this down so that I could grow, as a person. The sad part is, most people can’t or won’t ever be in that position to look at themselves. It usually takes an eye opening experience to get to that point and find themselves in a time of rebuilding.

Another time honesty is a hard pill to swallow is when it comes to relationships. Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship, but it’s not always the easiest to do. Sometimes, we choose not to say something, because we know that the effect of honesty can hurt the person we love. The cliché, “does this make me look fat?” is the perfect example of this. While we would love to tell our significant other that they look great in whatever they’re wearing, it’s not always the case. If you say, “babe, it doesn’t look good on you,” then a fight can proceed the comment that you made. Yes, this is kind of a light example of honesty in relationships, but there are far more deeper examples that play into relationships.

Feelings can change in a relationship. Sometimes, the bond between a couple isn’t always strong. Sometimes, people aren’t in love like they were. That’s part of the rollercoaster of relationships. You have your ups and downs, good times, bad times. Some days you look at that person you chose to stay with “until death do us part”, and you realize that the fire isn’t there. It’s not always the case, because there are days that you look, and are amazed that the person laying next to you is the most precious thing you’ve ever seen, and you can’t believe that they want to be with you. How do we handle these complex feelings? How do we get through the low points?

This is something that goes through every couples mind at some point. Do we stick it out, and hope it gets better? Do we live pretending everything is okay, while deep down we’re miserable? I’ve seen it with friends who stuck together for the children’s sake, and seen them observe the destruction of the parent’s relationship play out in front of those young eyes.

Sometimes, people just grow apart. It’s not like it was ever planned on, it’s not like one party was hoping for that day to come, but it happens. Sometimes circumstances mold people into unexpected versions of themselves. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care anymore. It doesn’t mean that the love isn’t there. Just sometimes, paths start to take unexpected turns. How does that get handled? Does the couple stay together and pray that their paths will cross again? Does this make either party the “bad guy”?

For those questions, I honestly don’t have a proper answer. I think if anybody encounters this situation, the best thing to do is talk to your partner. There’s going to be tears. There’s going to be intense emotions, and I’m sure words will follow.

This is the director, and that’s a wrap.

The Door Was Stuck, But I Think The WD-40 Did The Trick

I know that I’ve written about being in self doubt in the past few weeks, but with that door being stuck, I think that I found the mental lubricant to power through and prevail. I’m at the point where this new challenge has given me a new rhythm to face this challenge.  For some reason, I’m not feeling the pressure, and I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or bad.

While I’ve surpassed that worry about my class, I’ve had other things on my mind that make me so hungry for the next big thing to go towards, and no it isn’t food. This weekend happens to be the San Diego Comic Con. One of my goals is to obtain press credentials so that I can get into conventions under press. I’ve always wanted to report on my geekiness, and it would be exciting to discover these things and inform everyone who follows me, or is some sort of associate with me.

Getting back on track though, this is day eight for me to be in the studio working at my desk. I’ve either been writing, doing homework, which also consists of writing, or I’ve been doing work in front of the camera. Did I mention that I love where my life has been heading for awhile now?

Now that I got the door of self doubt out of the way and my creative door is starting to open wider, I can’t wait to explore more of what is in my mind. I know that what ever writer’s block I had when I first wanted to write is gone, and I also know that my creative side has finally been able to break away from the tragedy that seems to plague my creative process(yes, tragedy is a great way to start my stories), I’m ready to write more witty things.

While I’m at it, my blogging style seems to be changing for the better. I’ve seemed to keep it kind of revered with how I used to write.  Truth is, I didn’t think that I had found my voice at that time. Now, I’m more confident that I can be more casual, and add more of my own personality in my writing. I was going to do a solid blog about finding my voice, but unfortunately for me, I saw a squirrel and I decided that I would chase it first. I think it had something shiny.

This is who I am. I tend to joke at times that isn’t always appropriate, I love the humor in shock and awe. I tend to have a foul mouth about things.  The whole of me though, is honest. I’m honest on who I am, and I’m honest with how I feel. I love my friends and as I’ve been blessed with making some great friends, I can honestly say that they have earned my loyalty. I know that they appreciate that, and I’ve always been glad that I could support them in that way.

This is all I can think of at the moment, but if you’re trying to be a creative individual, learn to find your own voice. That way, you can be honest with yourself and who you are. People will either accept it or not, but that’s life. This is the director, and that’s a wrap.